STEAMING UP THE ICE

Sophia Henry

The late comic, Rodney Dangerfield, had a signature line. “Boy, I tell you, I get no respect around here.”

Hockey is the Rodney Dangerfield of sports in cinema. It’s severely underrepresented in Hollywood. And when it is, it’s usually a sad, interpretation of one of the most intense, grueling, beautiful sports in the world.

Past hockey movies relied on a hokey ploys, like unrealistic stick-fights (I’m looking at you, Youngblood) or silly set plays (Flying V, anyone?). And more recent movies continue to highlight fighting, when enforcers stepped aside years ago to make room for superstar athletes with skill, stamina and Greek god-like bodies.

I want to see a hockey romance novel come to life. When adapted for the big-screen, a romance novel encompasses everything a fan of the game wants to see. The in-depth characterization, the thrilling, action-packed game scenes, the brotherhood of teammates, the passion and discipline a player needs to make it to the next level, and the tender love story unfolding in the background. 

I want to see a movie with heart and inspiration. I want my arms to break out in goosebumps from watching the smart, introspective hero lift the Stanley Cup over his head. Throw in some steamy sex scenes with the coach’s daughter (cliche, I know, but everyone wants to see the hero get it on with the coach’s daughter) and you have a phenomenal movie.

I ask a lot of Hollywood, because I trust the creative minds there. And I believe movie-goers can handle a hockey movie based on more interesting concepts than fights and trick plays and penalty shots. 

But until the movie-making “Powers That Be” and I get on the same page, I present: 

The Beauts - The Best of Hockey Movies

Best First Kiss:  (Literal first kiss) 

Guy Germaine and Connie Moreau - The Mighty Ducks

The Ducks beat the Hawks (Spoiler!!). Pre-teen post-victory kiss ensues. It’s quick. It’s unexpected. It’s so sweet. Well done, Guy.

Best Fight Scene:

The Hanson Brothers Debut - Slapshot

Hands down one of the most hilarious scenes ever. The entire movie is classic. Just watch it. Seriously. Even if just to prove the flow and ‘staches in the seventies could not be beat. Or to witness the epic-ness that is Paul Newman. That dude never had a bad hair day. Or bad face day. 

Best Realistic Representation:

Rookies

You don’t know Rookies?? Don’t worry, unless you grew up watching CBC (the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) in the late 1980’s, you probably don’t. I don’t even know if you can watch this anymore—but if you really want to see it, I can send you my VHS tape from 1989. It’s cheesy, but Rookies is a great representation of what I envision as the quintessential hockey story. Kid from small Canadian town leaves his girlfriend and family behind to try for a career in the pros. Plus, Yannick Bisson as Corey Dyson gives great flow. 

Best Uplifting Hockey Movie:

You guys want me to say Miracle, the movie based on the US win over the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics, don’t you? Well, I write Russian heroes, so…

Fine!

Miracle. But that’s all I’m saying. And only because the Americans who beat the mighty Soviet machine were amateur college players. And Herb Brooks’ speech to his players makes me shiver.

Best Documentary*:

TIE: Red Army (Gabe Polsky/Sony Pictures) and EPSN 30 for 30: Of Miracles and Men.

*Best recent documentary. And I’m biased (see above Russian hero comment). But if you are interested in the inner workings of the former Red Machine, watch these. Amazing lessons in both history and sports, and how the two intersect in the political forum. 

Best Sword Fight:

Dean Youngblood and Carl Racki - Youngblood

Wait? What? Yes, I threw this in as a joke. The only sword fight I want to see is a sticks and shoulders down battle in the corner for a puck. Or, you know, a shower scene. 

Maybe I’ll create a Kickstarter campaign (and learn how to write a screenplay) to make the kind of hockey movie I want to see. Gritty. Balanced. Sexy. Inspirational. A fictional, yet realistic, representation of our favorite sport. Until then, hopefully I’ve supplied you with some beauties to add to your watch list. 

// 16 June 2015 //

http://www.wordandfilm.com/2015/06/respect-ice-the-6-best-hockey-movies-ever/